Labels.

I hate labels.  I don't like to label Logan and Mackenzie as 'the twins' and I don't want to label Olivia as adopted.  These things are true, Logan and Mackenzie happen to be twins and Olivia happened to be adopted, but this does not define who they are.  So how do you prevent a child from being forever labeled if there really is a problem that they may happen to have? 

Olivia has always been a diffficult child.  It started in the terrible two's and never really got better.  I always chalked it up to her being a spirited child and hoped she would get better.  Now that I have two more kids, I have realized her behavior is not the norm.  Yes the little ones throw tantrums and fight for their independence, but their overall behavior and grasp of understanding to discipline is clear.  They don't like to be disciplined, they apologize and they learn from their mistakes.  I have been waiting for her attitude and behavior to improve; I have been waiting for the crying and extreme emotional outbursts to settle down, but they haven't.  We have some really great days, but the difficult days are greater.  It worries me.  It affects my relationship with her and I feel like I am failing her.  

I started looking online under personality disorders.  She doesn't seem to meet the criteria of ADD, but she does have alot of similar characteristics of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).  As I was reading, almost all of the issues I have with Olivia, meet the criteria of ODD.  Then I remembered seeing it on adoption paperwork.  I dug through my files and found birthmother's paperwork that she had filled out.  She has a son that has ADD and ODD.  So there is a genetic predispostion already.  Now I am not a doctor and I am not positive that this is what is going on, but it definitely gave me an idea of what could be the root of the issue.  I plan on addressing this with our pediatrician come September.  

I don't want Olivia to be labeled.  I don't want this to be turned into an excuse for her behavior.  I just want to know how to help her and how to parent her if this is the issue.  I need to find a way to get through to her now, before she shuts me out as a teenager.  That is what terrifies me the most.  I also don't want people to judge.  I don't want it to be the 'all adopted kids have issues' because they don't.  Despite our behavior problems, Olivia is a wonderful and smart little girl.  This is not because she was adopted, it's part of who she is.

So now I wait.  It sounds like therapy is the first step in working through ODD and training on how to work with ODD kids.  This is what I want.  I have exhausted every tactic in the book.  If its not ODD, great, but hopefully we are closer to finding out what the issue truly is.  I love my daughter, but I really don't like her most of the time and I really worry that her behavior will ruin relationships (with friends, her siblings) if I don't try something.

Just don't label her.  That won't help anyone.