6 years of being a mother

I have been a mother for 6 years.  How that happened, I don't know.  Those months of crying because I was not pregnant, the agony of the infertility treatment and the grueling adoption process still is fresh in mind.  The raw emotions that I had are not forgotten.  While it feels like I have been a mother forever, I still remember the nervousness that I felt when Olivia was placed in my arms for the very first time like it was yesterday.  This tiny 6.10 pound baby girl was born and the very first thing that came to my mind was Oh my god they are going to put me in charge of this tiny being?!  I had no idea.  I read the books to make sure she was developing on track and I talked to my mom to ensure I was doing the right thing.  The fear that I would somehow screw her up was always there.  It still is.

Now my daughter, my firstborn, my precious child that filled that void in my life is growing up.  She is now an independent 6 year old.  She goes to school all day and survives without me.  She can tie her shoes.  She can feed herself. She has her own friends and interests.  She no longer thinks that I know everything.  She forms her own ideas and fights me all the time on things.  I no longer pick the birthday theme and she has a say about who she wants to invite.  My fragile, helpless newborn baby is no more. 

I always reflect on birthdays and this one is no different.  I am proud of the young lady she has become and I know she will go far in life.  I get frustrated with her so often and really don't like her sometimes, but when I think about all the joy that she has brought me in the past 6 years, my heart just melts.  Despite everything, I am proud to be her mother and I will do everything in my power to ensure she is safe and happy and lives up to her potential. 

These years are getting shorter and I am trying to hold on tight and enjoy the ride.  I can't imagine my life without her and I am going to enjoy every second that I can before she grows up and leaves.  I am so thankful that her birthmother chose us to be her parents because I cannot imagine having it any other way.